already, but not yet

We are 9 days away from peanut #2′s due date, and I have been a bit anxious to get things moving.  I am very nearly done with my to do list, so if she came this moment, we would be ok, and I’m ready to see her sweet little face and also be done with this pregnancy.  It’s been a bit more challenging this time, and I have felt much more worn down, probably because one just doesn’t have the opportunity to rest with a vivacious and on-the-go toddler.  The first time around I could make up for lost sleep or just put my feet up . . . not so much this time.  I came to the realization a couple of days ago, however, that these past few days have truly been full of sweetness.  After coming through an exhausting and challenging season of 2 year molars starting to break through and transitioning to a toddler bed (which in reality only lasted a very short time, as do all these seasons when you look back on them), we have been enjoying some really precious times together as a family.  I recall that after Vivi arrived that I felt a bevy of overwhelming emotions, and one of the biggest was grief that I had lost what Chip and I had before she came.  How could we ever be as close as we were before when this tiny, fragile, and demanding person had taken over our lives?  However, as I’m sure you know if you have done this before, we are now closer than we were before, we treasure our time differently, and our priorities have  shifted.  I have a feeling I’ll have some conflicting emotions as I embrace two babies, instead of focusing on just one, and I am realizing I need to treasure up these moments of just Vivi and me, or just the three of us.  Of course it will be even sweeter when we add another, but it will be different, and these quiet moments we are enjoying now will be some that I’ll remember forever.  With that in mind, my anxious pregnant self has more patience, and I am striving to be fully patient in these days leading up to a new season because they truly are precious.

3 Responses to “already, but not yet”

  1. Eric Lee says:

    I can totally relate, Joni, as I’ve just recently been through the same. Our daughter is newly-two and we also have a son who is eleven weeks-old. I’ve found the transition from mother-of-one to one of two to be both easier and harder than expected. Easier, because I now understand that I *do* have the capacity to love both of my munchkins (and husband) equally and with my whole heart. More difficult, because well… you can’t really prepare yourself for multi-tasking the demands of an emotional two year-old and a fussy newborn. There are (often) times when I feel like I am failing at everything: at being a mother, a wife, a friend, a person. And I have to snap myself back to what is true: that this, as you said, is a season. It shall pass before I know it and become a faint memory (if one at all). You have to soak up what is good before it’s gone and let that help you through the times when you want to put your head through the wall, haha.

    I wish the best of luck to you and to Chip (and Vivi!).

  2. Lisa Locklin says:

    Such an exciting time! The anticipation, mixed with savoring the time as a family of three. Soak in the moments. I’m sure life will just keep getting more beautiful.

  3. Susan says:

    As a new mom of twins, I can tell you it is even better with two…once they interact (even different age siblings) it is so priceless. All the best in the days to come!

Leave a Reply